Dear Alicia
by WritersQuill
Summary: Post 4x10 Kalinda hadn't expected things to go so smoothly with Nick. She leaves behind a letter, not expecting to see Alicia again, as she goes on to do what she does best, protecting Alicia. What she doesn't expect is someone to come through for her in the end. Hopefully it's not to late for her.


_Disclaimer - None of these characters belong to me. They belong to Michele and Robert King and are property of CBS. _

_AN: I could not for some reason get over the way Kalinda/Alicia relationship was handled in the fourth season and this new upcoming fifth season as well. So this was my fix to the damaged relationship. Hope you all enjoy. Please do let me know your thoughts. And as far as updating goes, I'm afraid this idea couldn't have come at a worse time as I have midterms til end of October and more exams from mid November to December. But I shall try to update as frequently as possible so please bear with me. Thank you!  
_

* * *

_Where is she?_

Alicia had been waiting for over an hour at the bar. Their usual hang out spot, a touch of familiarity in this whirlwind of a few weeks, hell months.

Alicia reached for her phone calling Kalinda yet again. Hoping that she would pick up. She had a bad feeling as the voicemail picked up yet again. Signaling for another shot she drowned it leaving the cash on the bar and heading out the door.

Deciding to call Will as she walked to her car, holding the phone to her ear as the bell rang.

"Hello."

"Will, I'm sorry to bother you but have you heard anything from Kalinda?"

"No, I haven't. Is everything all right?" He didn't sound all too concerned.

"She was supposed to meet me an hour ago, about a case, but she never turned up." Alicia unlocked her car and slipped in turning on the heat.

"I'm sure she's fine. Probably got caught up in something. Don't worry about it." He reassured her.

"Yeah, okay. I'm just going to head to the office and she if she is still there. Have a good night Will."

"You too Alicia. Don't worry yourself. It's Kalinda. She can take care of herself." Once again reasserting that Kailnda was invincible. But Alicia wasn't so sure of that anymore. She used to think so.

And with that she hung up the phone and headed toward Lockhart/Gardener.

* * *

Alicia arrived within twenty minutes. The firm was eerily quiet and dark. Almost sinister looking. She suppressed a shiver as she made her way to her office. She paused before her door. Her lamp was on. And sitting on her desk was an envelope with her name on it, emitting a sort of halo. She recognized the handwriting as Kalinda's. A sense of foreboding settled in as she made her way around her desk.

Lowering herself in her chair she placed her bag on the floor. Straightening, she smoothed the invisible wrinkles on her dress and reached to brush imaginary crumbs off her desk. The letter remained untouched as she stared down it, perhaps hoping that if she stared intently enough the contents may magically show themselves to her. Steeling herself, aware that she couldn't delay any further she reached for the envelope with a trembling hand. She flipped it over and opened it, to show a letter.

Kalinda's graceful handwriting stared back at her as she looked on. And with a growing trepidation she read on.

* * *

Dear Alicia,

I've spent a lot of time thinking on what to say. At this point I'm sure you want nothing to do with me but for the sake of our 'friendship' I ask that you read this through and not throw it away.

I'm a very private person, I always have been and yet here I am writing you a letter, offering an explanation. I don't have many friends as you probably know. I don't do friendships or relationships and yet for some reason I feel this unexplainable draw to you, this need to protect you at all costs.

When I heard that Peter Florrick's wife was one of the new junior associates at the firm I had already judged you, a typical suburban housewife that had no personality or opinion of her own. But then we met and I found myself testing you, helping you. At first I told myself it was nothing more than guilt. I felt a responsibility for what happened. I pitied you and your children. So I tried to help. Make things easier for you. Pull you out of your shell. Guide you.

Somehow along the way I forgot who you were, I found myself enjoying your company. Suddenly I looked forward to our conversations, being your confidante, our celebratory shots. And as time passed, we grew closer and as we grew closer the guilt resurfaced. Our 'friendship' was based on a lie. I tried my best to keep it from you, to protect you from the backlash, protect myself, but I suppose it had to come out one way or another. Sometimes I wonder if I had told you before you found out, would things have been different? But I suppose we will never know.

It's been two years and yet here we are. Tip-toeing around each other in the halls, walking on egg shells not knowing what to say, avoiding eye contact, and conversations that may get to personal. And you know what, I'm sick and tired of it.

I'm tired of always being sorry, I'm tired of the guilt, the eggshells, everything. You never gave me a chance to defend myself and I know what you are thinking, there is no defense for such an act. So here it is, I'm laying it all out for you. You can decide for yourself.

Four years ago I slept with Peter Florrick. Correction, Leela Tahiri slept with Peter Florrick. She was an investigator with the state's attorney's office. She didn't know you then, you were simply a name that floated around in the office, a picture on the wall. Had she known you then as I do now, as I did, she would not have gone through with it.

Leela was in a bad place, as I'm sure you've gathered on meeting Nick, he isn't the ideal person to be around. She needed an escape. To run away as far as she could from him, from where she was. She didn't have the ideal past, a troubled child that found herself bad situation that got worse. So she faked her death, fashioned her self a new identity, a new personality Kalinda Sharma, and she used any means necessary to make sure she was protected.

That's where Peter comes in. She used him. Got the legal documentation for something in return. I'd try and protect you, tell you that he didn't specifically ask for it, but I never turned him down either. We were both at fault. You can blame me all you like, but I am not sorry for doing what I had to do. I am sorry that it was you in the crossfire. And like I said if I had known you then as I do now, I would've found another way.

Of course, that's all just pointless now, since Nick found me anyways. So I'm going to apologize once again for bringing you into the crossfire. I promise I will take care of things. You don't have to worry. You will be safe. Nick will never trouble you again.

And so here it is. Leela Tahiri has been laid out to you. I'm not telling you all of this for your sympathy not your pity. I don't want your forgiveness I just want you to understand why it happened. To hear Leela's story from Leela, and not a third person, something that I should have told you before. I did say I was never good with friendships. Maybe if we ever meet again things will have changed and we can finally move on from this. Or if not at least let us part on cordial terms.

I will tell you this though it was real Alicia, all of it. I may not have always been forthcoming, but I did treasure our friendship, more than you can possibly know. Goodbye Alicia. Take care of yourself. I can't always watch your back.

Kalinda

* * *

The letter fell from Alicia's grasp as she read the last lines, the finality of the last few sentences sinking in. As she sat there staring down out the letter, her mind whirled in confusion, battling what she knew with what she had just learned. The Kalinda she knew would never have left something like this, not unless prompted to by some unknown force. Something was wrong and this last expression of good-bye was just the beginning. She wasn't sure what to make of this. Was this Kalinda's whit flag. Had she finally given up and moved on.

Alicia sat there for some time, pondering the letter. Kalinda's confession. How ironic. When they were friends she had spent many nights hoping Kalinda would open up a little more, share some information about her self. And yet here they were. In unchartered territory and Kalinda decides this to be the ideal time to come forward. Share her past. Leela's past.

Alicia isn't sure anymore. She thought she knew all there was to know. Not that she cared for any other detail except for the fact that her best friend, former best friend, had slept with her husband. Could she really fault Kalinda for trying to get away. From running from a man like Nick Savarese. After meeting him, she knew she would have done the same. Perhaps not the exact same things. But yes, she would've run.

Anger reared its head as she reread the letter. Especially the part of Kalinda wanting to protect her. She wasn't some fragile china doll that would break. If she could survive her husband's damn sex scandal she sure would've survived knowing Leela's past and Peter's indiscretions. Alicia had known Peter wasn't an honest politician. There was no such thing. His time in office had been wrought with shady dealings. This would've just been another one for the pile.

Their conversation from earlier came back to her as Alicia tried to wrap her head around this new development. Kalinda's dangerous past, Peter's involvement, and the unknown entity Nick Savarese.

_"Did I do the right thing, telling him we no longer represent him?"_

_Kalinda had nodded_

_"And I'm not in danger"_

_"No. You won't be." _

You won't be. God she hoped Kalinda was alright. What if Nick Savarese had hurt her?

She jumped almost falling out her chair, a hand clasped to her chest as the phone rang, breaking the tense silence in the office.

It was Diane.

"Hello?" Her voice shook as she answered.

"Alicia," The sense of urgency in Diane's voice breaking through the haze that had settled upon her, "It's Kalinda. She's been shot. I just got a call from the police. Can you get to St. Mary's quickly?"

Shock flitted upon her. _ Oh dear lord no._

"Alicia?!"

She managed to find her voice as she stood up abruptly, already in action. There was no time to think, Kalinda was fighting for her life.

"I'm on my way," She hesitated as she made her way to the lift, "How does it look?"

Alicia heard Diane take a shaky breath, "Not good."


End file.
